In my younger teaching days, I used to always say that I’d just like five minutes inside one of my students heads. Bring a fly on the wall, it’s just like getting a first class ticket to what their thought process is. I mean think about it. I see my brain as a miniature world of infinite filing cabinets, labeled and organized, so I can retrieve and access information easier and faster.
Is it weird that I think that way?
And yesterday, when my son had hit rock bottom after a particularly nasty tantrum, I thought to myself, “I wonder if his brain looks like a Jackson Pollock work of art right now?”
Colorful, yet chaotic. Beautiful, yet mysterious. Sad, but with a touch of hope. He was a crying mess, because he was literally out of his skin almost all day. My boy had not had a day like yesterday in a very long time, but if I could just be a fly on the wall inside of his beautiful brain, I feel like I could know how to help him better.
As parents of typical and nontypical children, I feel like we rely on the term “use you words” a little too much sometimes. I remember when my son was really young, he would babble to my husband and I with such feeling and sincerity, but at the same time… we had absolutely no idea what he was saying to us. When we would tell him to “use his words,” he would just stare at us like we were crazy and continue on like we understood every single word he uttered.
Again, I wanted to help him and reorganize his though process, but I just couldn’t. I just had to stop, admire, and adore his beautiful mind.
It feels like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes, because I’m not always able to separate work from home, and vice versa. BT Jill can not be “mommy” and “mommy” can not come to work with me. Wearing all of these hats can be down right exhausting at times, so maybe we all need a little reorganizing every now and then; taking some deep breaths, breaking out the dust pan and broom, and leaning on someone close to you when you need it the most.
A good support system can really help you see a beautiful mind through the dust, the filing cabinets, and the paint.