Validation


I remember when I was pregnant with Willy, and I constantly felt like I had to validate every emotion that I ever had with my husband and friends, because I was ridiculously hormonal. I would say things like, “if I wasn’t pregnant would that still bother me?” And my husband and friends would say either “yes” or “no” and I would feel a world better, because I knew that it wasn’t my hormones getting in the way of my decision-making process.

This went on for nine long months.

But after my beautiful boy was born, I still felt the residual hormones pressing on my decision-making abilities. I definitely felt less clouded with emotion, but I still felt unsure on how to deal with it, and how to handle it at times. Now, I do what any adult would do in most situations. I look for the best possible solution, deal with it in the best adult way that I know how, and then if it’s emotional enough… I’ll cry about it after. And sometimes my hip-hugging friend “chocolate” joins me on my road back to sanity.

Yes. I’m a 37-year-old woman who still needs chocolate to put a Band-Aid on the end result. The best thing of all, is that chocolate doesn’t judge. Chocolate doesn’t lie, chocolate likes to be shared with others, and if you ask Siri what the meaning of life is, she’ll most likely tell you that “everything ends with chocolate.” Well, my Siri does anyway (giggle).

But am I just pacifying my ideas and values with the thought of not getting the validation that I need? Probably. And what about my son? Right now, at this very moment son need someone to advocate for him. He needs someone to help validate his feelings, emotions, and even translate some of his sentences, because not too many people speak “Willy-nese.” My boy’s ADHD is crippling, his anxiety seems to take on a life of it’s own, and his Autism doesn’t help make either one of those above diagnosis easier to deal with. So, what’s a girl to do in order to help her boy feel like he matters?

Repetition. With the help of a good team of therapists, and teachers, my son is learning to speak up, be heard, and feel validated (without chocolate). He tries so hard and when he succeeds, it’s practically written all over his face. His smile tells you everything that you need to know, and the fact that he just exudes positive energy, makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. I’m starting to get the feeling that I can let go just a little, step back, and see what happens. He knows that I’ll always be there for him, his dad too, but just giving him a little more independence is going to make all the difference.

Happy hump day everyone.

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4 thoughts on “Validation

  1. Wine is pretty much my equivalent of the chocolate. We do what we must to get through the day. Those high moments, the breakthrough moments are awesome, aren’t they?

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