I apologize for my absence yesterday. I started writing a post that took a completely wrong turn. I started it out with a funny anecdote, and by the time I was finished, it was a full-blown rant, glazed in red wine!
I went back and reread it again this morning, and BOY am I glad that I decided to not post it. I deleted it on the spot! I didn’t think I could ever be that mean about anyone or anything, and it really disturbed me.
My dad once told me in college, not to “drink and drive, because you might spill your drink.” He was deadly serious and I knew exactly what he meant through his humor, so I always adhered to his advice. The same goes for blogging; I don’t usually drink and blog, because I might spill my drink. And I don’t think I’ve ever drunk-dialed anyone ever, so thank goodness for small favors.
But after rereading what started out to be funny, it just turned mean, disrespectful, and just plain malicious. I was having one of those days yesterday, where one minute, I’m in a perfectly good mood and happy as a clam, and the next… I’m crying and pissed off!
Autism does that to ya sometimes. Imagine this: your cruising down the road called life, and you come to a detour in the middle of the road. You could go left and take the road that is already safely mapped out for you, and it will still take you to your destination, but it might take you a little longer to get there. Or, you could go right and take the road less traveled. It’s uncertain terrain and equally uncertain surroundings make you feel nervous and possibly scared, but the fact that you actually have to make a choice… leaves you feeling even more unsettled.
When I look at my little boy, I feel like he’s always taking the road to the right. He tries so hard everyday to make good choices and do the right thing, but sometimes it doesn’t work out for him and it blows up in his face. And seeing him struggle makes it worse for me. I guess that’s why my anecdote turned sour yesterday; I was trying to smile through the rain/haze… and I just couldn’t do it.
So, I’m going to pass on my dad’s advice to you. “Don’t drink and drive/blog/dial. Because you might spill your drink.” Thanks dad. I love you.