I am so excited to introduce this week’s guest contributor, Ms. Elena Rosnov!!! Besides being my old college roommate, a best friend (that’s more like a sister), and funny as hell, she’s a working mom and wife. Her family has taken mine in as part of their own, and loves the three of us just the same. Elena plays a big role in her community. She is a PTO mom, a hockey mom, an advocate, true to self, honest, kind with out a reason, and an individual. She is just like you in many ways. She works hard for what she has, and is not ashamed to wave her “little white flag” every now and then. She’s amazing!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Elena Rosnov.
When Jill asked me to be a guest writer for her blog, I was flattered. I thought that it would be so easy since I naturally have a lot to say and it is not very often that I am at a loss for words.
I am a lawyer…I get paid to say brilliant things and talk my way out of, or in to any situation. However, when I sat down to write something profound to say to you all, I found myself at a loss.
I love Jill’s blog!
She writes about the often times harsh realities of being a parent to a child with special needs. We share in the joys of her highs and our hearts break for her when she’s hitting her lows. Parenting is an emotional roller coaster. I know first hand…I am a mom of a six year old and 2 ½ year old. We all want the best for our children, for them to be the best that they can be, to have the best of everything, and to have every opportunity that we may not have had the luxury of having ourselves when we were kids. But, as we all know, life is not perfect. We are not perfect, our children are not perfect, the world is not perfect, and though we strive to make our lives fit into a perfect little mold of what is expected…lots of friends, happy marriages, successful careers, happy, healthy kids, etc., that is not always how life turns out.
In my practice, I specialize in Criminal Defense and Family Law. Family law as in Divorce, child custody, adoption, etc. Practicing Family Law is often heartbreaking. When a marriage ends, sometimes it can be for the best. But when you have children, things become…well…complicated.
Things are unsettled.
Where will the child/children live? With which parent? How can the parents can make two happy homes for the child/children to feel comfortable and keep their lives as “normal” as possible? Divorce is hard on the child/children, and it’s especially it’s hard on the parents. Enter a child with special needs and you have entered even more unsettled waters.
In 13 years, I have had many couples come through my door. I have heard about the cheating, the lying, the gambling, the financial stresses and the love leaving the marriage after being burdened with juggling the tasks of every day family life. However, the most heartbreaking stories that I hear are that the marriage fell apart when little John or Jane’s special needs became more than the couple had bargained for—that satisfying the needs of the child became more important than taking the time to satisfy the needs of each other. What on earth do you say to that?
As a professional, I can discuss all of the options for a comprehensive parenting plan and providing financial support for the child/children beyond the age of turning 18, graduating from college, etc. But then, the inevitable questions come…what happens when I or my husband die? Where will my special needs child go? Who will take care of him/her? I do not want my child to be a burden? Will my child go into a group home?
Don’t get me wrong, even parents in an “in-tact” family ask themselves these questions when it comes to the future of their special needs child. But
as a professional, I try hard not to let those questions “get to me.” I do my best to give the best advice that I can, but the truth is, there are some things that not even the most seasoned practitioner can advise that will actually give our clients the piece of mind that they are looking for.
The truth is, no matter how much we plan, we don’t have a crystal ball…we cannot predict the future. We can strive to plan a life for our children that will leave them cared for or leave them able to care for themselves for the rest of their lives, but nothing is guaranteed. We can only hope as parents that we are making the best decisions that we can for our children each day. But for now, just love them. Let them know how much they are loved, and watch what happens next. You might even surprise yourself.
Elena and Family
Square Peg in a Round Hole 